The night before a test, I like to get a good night’s sleep to make sure I am rested. This evening’s maintenance test was no exception. Needless to say I did not get a good night’s sleep before the test.

A maintenance test at Master P’s Taekwondo is one of three special tests you are required to take on your final path to Black Belt during the eight months or so you are Double Black Stripe. This evening was my third of the three, along with my other testing colleagues.

The reason for not getting enough sleep was circumstantial, but nonetheless I had to reckon with this fact throughout the day. I felt uncomfortably tired from morning when I awoke until sometime around the time testing began. Eventually I stopped thinking about it, but I do not remember when.

As a result of being tired, I experienced a strange sense of fear leading up to the test. All throughout the day I wrestled with thoughts of doubt, fatigue, risk of injury, and what not.

Fear was undoubtedly confronting me.

My greatest concern was not so much about making mistakes in my form or in one-step sparring or in self-defense. Those are more nerves than fears. The FEAR had to do with my flying sidekick.

I wanted to take my flying sidekick higher in this test than ever before, but I couldn’t help but be concerned that I might get hurt. With Black Belt testing less than a month away, the last thing you want is an injury.

On the other hand, I had to push the envelope in this test so I would know what to shoot for in the next test - the Black Belt test. There are only so many times you are going to push your limits between tests, and when I look back upon my Black Belt test someday, I do not want to have any regrets.

Jumping high is not the difficult part for me, but rather landing the jump after performing the kick. It’s one of those intuitive things for which you count on from the human body. It amazes me what the body can do, but in this case there is little room for error and the risk of injury is high.

AFTER THE TEST

Shortly after the test was over, while driving home, I remembered how much fear I was experiencing during the day about my flying sidekick. But much like how you can not remember when you fall asleep, I do not know when that FEAR went away. It did go away, but I forgot about it at one point.

Even now I could not tell you when the fear subsided. Was it when my name was called to start my test? Maybe it was when the first testing candidate of the night was called out? I do no know.

Fortunately, the thought of injury did not cross my mind as I prepared to do the kick. I gestured for the holders to raise the board until they could go no higher, and then I went in to do the kick.

What a great kick. You stare down the board. You growl at it. You take a few pitter patter steps forward to size up your jump. You keep moving closer until you know you have to jump, and then you jump.

You jump as high as you can. You try to “get air” as we used to say. Maybe we still do, I don’t know. But you do try to get air. And when you do, you perform the kick.

You fold up your left leg beneath you. You tuck in your right knee to your chest. You go up growling but as soon as you peak you cease and you become silent.

There is silence for only one quick moment. This is when you prepare to kick the board. You look at it, you punch at it, you stretch into it and you let yourself fall.

You begin to sink down. The kick is over, and it is time to land. You hold steady and you prepare for the ground to find you so you can spring your legs and soften the blow, and you land. You land and you step behind and you are done.